The roller coaster of emotions in our house lately have been exhausting. As a parent you go through the range of emotions when you first find out about your child being diagnosed with JA; anger, sadness, confusion, and disbelief. But by far the worst feeling is when you feel helpless, knowing that there is not a lot you can do to help your child when they have JA. The only thing I can provide is comfort, hugs, encouragement, and love. I can never take away the pain or heartache that come with this disease....this has been the hardest for me. I can barely image what it is doing to Bella emotionally...but it is changing her ALOT.
For the first time ever, I had to hear some pretty angry words from Bella. If you know her, this is not the norm. She has her sassy moments but she is truly a sweet kid.
The past week has been hard for her, the pain was the worst it has ever been. The doctors want her to keep trying the first round of meds & therapy for a bit longer before taking the next step.
Last night Bella told me she was running away from home as she ran to the door putting on her shoes.......I was shocked & angry. But I responded with; "Okay, go ahead. Let me know when you arrive there safely. Good luck finding another family that will let you be so mean to them." That stopped her in her tracks and she ended in her room crying. But not without her telling me that I don't care about her. UGH!!! This was all over homework.............Is it summer vacation yet?!?!?!
They do say that you hurt the ones you love the most because they know you will be here in the end. So, I am taking this as Bella telling me she trusts me, loves me, and knows that I will be here no matter what.
Bella Mia, I love you with all my heart. I wish everyday that I could take this disease away from you. I wish I could stop all your pain and take away the crapping feeling days. I wish that I could make you feel normal again (soon enough we will figure out your new normal). I wish that we could turn back time and make it all go away. Until there is a cure for JA, I will help you get through the tough times and I will help you celebrate your victories. I will forever be here! I love you with all my heart! <3<3<3
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