Some days are harder than others...

It's been awhile since we have posted because repeating the same thing over and over each month was unnecessary. Bella still is on the same treatment plan where she goes to Hershey Medical Center once a month for an infusion, she gets a shot of Methotrexate(low dose chemo) each week, take 9 pills a day, attends physical therapy once a week, and sees a chronic illness counselor once a week. This morning reality set in after a week of fun and travel. Bella had a hard time walking down the steps and was in a lot of pain. There is little we can do for her beyond give her antiinflammatory medicine and apply a pain cream. That is not the reality you want to accept for your child. You don't want pain to be a normal part of life at the age of 11. Heartbreak is all I have today.This is not the life I chose for my daughter and she doesn't deserve this. Bella was involved in a sport every season and sometimes overlapped sports, but not anymore. This disease has stripped her of the joys of of sports like basketball which was her life. She has given up things we take for granite like hiking, running 5ks, jumping as Skyzone, and ice skating. She gets invited to so many parties that she can't participate in, which is a hard reality for a preteen. As a parent you show support and stay strong for your child. But in a moment alone you break down because reality stinks and sometimes is hard to find the positive. Its hard to always find the right thing to say to make things okay for Bella, its hard to watch your child hurt and know there is nothing I can do, and it sucks to know this is forever. Days like today are not fair and are not easy. The worry of what tomorrow brings is scary....will she has surgery before she is in high school or will she end up in a wheelchair because the disease is attacking her joints? Some days it is too much...... Yes, I know....find the positive, there is always someone worse off than Bella, and maybe one day they will find a cure. But today she hurts, we hurt, and for now our lives are overtaken by this disease that is taking my daughters mobility, destroying her organs & stomach, and causing her anxiety and stress everyday. But we do have to suck it up and deal with it and know that tomorrow is a new day could have hope......